Top 5?

18 Aug


Just wanna blog about my recent disappointment (not really disappointment,but something that made me doubt myself).

We were having a class on one of our majors, when a senpai who graduated last year entered our class to promote his organization.

The organization he promoted is something that were formed by the Law students of our university and they now wanted to expand that’s why they are to recruit members to attend a seminar. They chose to recruit pre-law courses students (I’m talking about the AB Political Science course).

All of us were fascinated about the ‘seminar’ he was talking about. Of course, I was also interested.It’s for the pre-law course students after all!!!

The seminar is to take place on the 25th and it’s in a prestigious hotel with free registration,food and accommodation. Such a classy opportunity,right?

I certainly was determined to join the seminar.

But this senpai suddenly mentioned about ‘slots’.Apparently, there are only 5 slots available for the Juniors.

Seriously?Only 5 slots??!!!

The senpai also mentioned about the 5 slots that as much as possible will only be allotted to the Top 5 students of the class.I felt like my 100% determination diminished into 60%.

It’s not that I am not confident that I am in the Top 5. It’s just that ever since grade school to high school,I was underrated. I was an honor student from nursery to the 3rd grade. But I didn’t made it to the top after that.

I am now in college so I decided to change my ways. I became more responsible and my efforts rewarded me since I got high grades but I can’t say that I am one of the best in class.

Some classmates assured me that I belong to the Top 5, but that thought just won’t sink in to me. I don’t know why.

So,I felt discriminated about the seminar and the ‘Top 5’ thingy. I also felt sad for my classmates.

I got bad vibes and told myself that that seminar is just nothing but a discriminatory forum.

After that, I was already displaying my bad attitude. My classmates can’t help but got scared of me. I was really scary anyway.I am not mad because I may be have no chance of getting a slot.I am mad because of this ‘Top 5’ requirement.

The senpai left the class.

The professor,getting back to the lecture, asked us, “So,class. Who wants to join?”

Without any second thoughts I told him, ” Sir,unsa man na oi. What’s with the TOP 5 requirement?Murag discrimination gud ang akong makita.Tanan man gusto mag-apil.” (Translation: Sir, what’s with this?What’s with the TOP 5 requirement?It seems like a discrimination for me.Everybody wants to join.”

He just looked at me.After a few minutes, he suggested that we should have ‘draw lots’ to determine the 5-slot occupants. In that way, everything will be fair.

I agreed.All of us agreed.But in my mind, I don’t care already if I am not chosen.I was in a bad mood already.

We finished the class first. After the dismissal bell, our classmates decided to draw the lots.

4 slots were then occupied by four of my classmates who were chosen because their names got picked.
At last, there’s only one slot left. I wasn’t even hoping of getting in.

But in the end, I got the last slot. They had picked my name.

“Hey,it’s you!It’s you!You got the last slot!”, a classmate, who was also picked,told me.

From the bad mood I had earlier, my face lightened up and I began to feel better.

I thought that maybe the seminar really was for me. Because if not, the last slot should been have given to the others, but luckily,they picked my name.

There’s still a week before the seminar but I am so excited now!

But the doubt of being an achiever still dwells in my mind.Am I really intelligent?Am I really smart?What future will a person like me have?

I don’t know what to think anymore.


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